Life's Simple Pleasures

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These things I believe

SMASH TIME

This is one of the strongest bonds within the TFD society; the infamous Smashbrother nintendo game playing. As many as ten people will crowd into a room to witness the efforts of four people to win a contest of superb fictional fighting, awe-inspiring trash talking and above all, how much cheating you can squeeze into a game to reach the ultimate goal of forcing someone to quit in sheer disgust of your dismal integrity. Styles of play can be put into categories like "simply gay", "homosexual", and "just plain ridiculous." Everybody has special names for their characters, mine is Elian Gonzales, the Cuban refugee, along with Big Gay Donkey, the Kerbster, the Arab Mad Bomber, and the untouchable Captain Falcon. Indeed I have seen fist fights almost result from frustration in being "downsmashed", but after its all over and you realize the cynical content of the whole game, "gettin' Smashed" can be a welcome experience.

THE BEST SHOW EVER!!!

Rarely in history does such an amazing fixture of entertainment hold the attention of our lives. Shakespeare did it, as did19th century bear wrestling and the the late great boob tube. The Simpsons reaches back into the early 90's when nothing of real importance was on television, that I remember. I admit I was late in getting on the Springfield express, the first episode I watched was the one about Bart getting a radio for his birthday and conning the people of the town into rescuing a kid, supposedly trapped in a well. I clearly remember a bit where Homer was upset because the kids had eaten just the chocolate third of the neopolitan ice cream cartons, "D'oh!" was forever locked in my vocabulary. From then on it was always about Thursday or Sunday night new episodes, and then the plentiful re-runs that have just about ruled my daily schedule for the past four years. I even attempted to tape all the episode's in one summer's time; I got about 130 of them and then I ran out of VHS cassettes and free afternoons. In daily conversation with my friends, its almost guaranteed that an obscure Simpson reference will pop up, bits from classic episodes can hang around for months and if you can't live up to the impromptu trivia dished out during supper, just scoot your chair back and bury your face in your arms. I admire the Simpsons for their cynical take on society, their delicious satires are hidden and come at blink-speed, but if you've got the wit, you'll be rolling. I've said over and over how I would be honored to write a thesis on the Simpsons' take on any part of human culture, I could reference all 250 episodes that come to mind. In short you can learn alot from this yellow-skinned family with bad overbites, if not from Homer's hilarious logic, perhaps then from the fact that in this really cynical world, the Simpson family has remained together and happy for more than ten years and nine Halloween specials, mmmm heroes. Flander Sucks!

Simpson Samples

SPORTS!!!!

Above: Me teaching a kid a lesson about cross-faces on the mat.

Below: After we won the Men's Big 10 B-ball championship, it gave me chills to watch.

I love sports and all the glory within. I'm a huge competitor and I'll never say no to anybody who asks me to join a game, b-ball football, ultimate frisbee, whatever, I just need a channel for my excessive amount of testosterone. At school I lift at the gym and run almost every day, I'm an adamant supporter of health fitness and I encourage anybody to give it a try. I don't look at it in a narcissitic fashion, rather as a stage to ready myself for the primtive environment we'll all face after W.W. III. Sticking to a regimen of lifting holds many key factors for being successful, but I haven't figured out how to apply them anywhere else. I inherited a trunk torso from my dad and my raging folicles keep this Wolverine apart from the shameless art of shaving off body hair. My goal is to reach the pinnalce bodyweight:weight lifted ratio of 2 in the benchpress. At my prime I reached a 1.8, putting up 320lbs. Anywho my testicles are unharmed (except for the occassional racking myself on someone's knee) and I'm always up for spotting a person's drive to be better.

Above: Raising Helmets for the Hylton Kickoff, this team produced back to back state championships

Below: Aquamen Jason, Bret and Chris face the waters at the State Swim Meet

Air Hockey

This game combines the reflexes of a kung fu master and the ice cold stare of a russian gastapo. jason and i played this silly game religiously, pumping dollars in till a true champion was determined. the puck was often hurled off the table into the crowd of little kids who had gathered to watch and listen to our trash talking. before long someone would reach the final 7 score and the parents would escort the children away, covering their ears. hands were never left unscathed. this legendary photo was taken at our prom, when we had time to burn and told our dates to wait while we toiled in god like battle. fate had it that as we were in the middle of a 6-6 tie, teeth grinding and pattles slamming, the table went dead and the game was over. its a tale to tell your children about the greatest air hockey match ever played, the tuxes made it all the sweeter.

F.A.C

Party Peoples, We want you!

That's right, its FAC, Friday After Class to you slack-jawed yokels who have no idea what you're supposed to do with your sweet free time after classes have ended their week long reign of terror. FAC is held at the established bar of Malone's, good to its Irish name the place is a paradise for the oppressed party-attitude within me. A core group of TFDers has evolved the perfect setup for the afternoon over a good 20 trips; it involves racing to the bar after class, securing our table on the dancefloor perch above the rest of the wooden booths and tables. From here its about a thirty minute wait for everybody to get there, kind of a laid-back prep time, gathering more chairs for the late walk-ins, talking about the week if we haven't been in contact and finally, the long awaited moment, giving the order for the drinks. What FAC at Malones is legendary for, is their $2.50 steins: now these suckers are the size of pickle jars, 32oz. of cold beer, we're talking two hands on the mother until the near empty end. As the single person who has been there everytime from the beginning, I have the honorary title of the ToastKing, which means I call all the toasts whenever and however I want. Toasts involve a basic chugging of your drink for however long you can handle, I nearly always kill at least a third of mine. Now its unfortunate when these get out of hand, usually people have no idea how to handle this much beer and often find themselves passing out before FAC gets over at six. In recent weeks we have been timing people's tumultuous attempts at binge drinking; as of last week (2/23/01) it was Otis, who under my coaching and stop watch antics, got him past five steins, along with one shot of tequilla, in just under my old record of 90 minutes, 88 minutes officially. Now if you take this into consideration, a stein holds about 2 1/2 standard beers, plus one shot = a beer, making the record binge at a whopping 13 beers. Come on people, that's just ridiculous, Otis basically puked all over Matt on his way home, prompting the rule that you must hold it all in until 6PM to be credited with the title of Binge Master.

Service with a Smile

These are the two finest waitresses in the history of Malones or any bar that shall ever be. These wonderful ladies have looked over the rowdy, beligerent and sometimes downright crude antics of TFD and still always serve their burdens with smiles. After so many visits we know them by name, Marta (above) and Mindy. The mere mention of their names garners positive feedback of a Friday afternoon; these two troopers put up with enough shit as it is being a waitress, but we always, seem to get our orders on time and in time through the crowd. If it was a great FAC, it was most likely that these hotties were deeply involved, and somehow, I always feel like we haven't tipped them enough...

Fighting over that dang Tab again!!!

Otis, Mr.Affluent - Marquis, and Matt on the eve of some very heavy toasting...

No Punch, your teeth are all there...for now!

AW Tex and Anila! There's always love in the air, even if intoxicated or with beer goggles

Tony makes the uprights for Stein-Endzone Football, one of many FAC sports, as Erica looks on...

The Bizarre Aftermath of Another Accomplished FAC

Its just such a classy picture! Punchy initiated the traditional shirt and tie dress code for Fridays

Here's to many more great FACs, always in good company...

In Memory of Otis' Record and Liver